Why desi parents drive us nuts

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Being Pakistani, especially a muhajir– meaning that my grandparents are all originally from India and then moved to the newly created Islamic nation during the partition–, I have come to absolutely abhor some things about my culture.  Especially values and ideals on marriage.

The “desi”, or South Asian, culture in which I’ve grown up has some very admirable qualities to it.  Other aspects, however, are just downright unhealthy. An article I just found on the BBC makes me want to scream.

Veteran Investigations is an agency based in Mumbai that offers the service of spying and checking up on prospective brides and grooms for families that want to make sure that their current loot is fit for their son or daughter.

I mean, seriously. The desi family’s need for control is getting out of hand. The need to check out a suitor like they’re cattle is debilitating. They can’t handle the fact that they are more and more losing out on any say when it comes to who their offspring marry. Personally, I think it’s a good thing that they are.  When families get too involved, isn’t it just inevitable that something’s about to get screwed up?

It’s choosing a life partner.  At the end of the day, one person is the one living, eating, laughing, sleeping, crying, loving with them. It’s their decision. They may be stupid about it, sure, but they know what they want more than others do.  In desi culture, the parents have a habit of feeling that they have every right to control their childrens’ lives, because they know what’s best.  But this is one place where I have yet to see their judgement be consistently rational.

In other words, these investigators are smart as hell.

Ab imo pectore,

Syjil

the link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-15520929

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5 responses »

  1. Well both sides can be argued for and against with valid points. The trick is to keep a good balance an openly communicate with the parents as an adult. Both the parents and children need to understand that supporting each other is better then causing problems. With that being said, traditions need respect and progress needs acknowledgment.

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  2. I don’t get how they choose the partner, or what “forumula” they work out to decide that this person is suitable (so long as they dont use spying tactics).

    I recently had a discussion with the older generation, in the hope of working out this formula.

    i told them that i had found my life partner who i’ve known for two years and i want to marry her.

    They said: “but you should look around first, there’s plenty of girls out there who would be perfect match for you! Don’t just jump on the first girl you see, Its important to find the person who’s perfect for you”

    I said: like who.

    They said: Theres this one girl who your aunt knows.

    I said: Ok, what if i meet her tomorrow, and i realise she’s the one for me and ask her to marry me, would you give me your blessings?

    They said: Of course

    I said: But you just said not to jump on the first girl you see. So by meeting her once how can i know shes perfect.

    They said: Well, your aunt knows her.

    Shocking.

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  3. I would say a balance between the two is the best fit. From personal experience I can say that when it comes time to make a decision of the nature I certainly would be the best judge of what I want. Then again, i’m only a college student so who knows. The spying thing is just outrageous however.

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